Everything Changes

mMrch is soon here, so you can count on some relatively warm, sunny days with no snow ahead:) I love you Paul!    

and when I said mMrch, i meant March:p    

And my fogged-up brain musters up a vehiment "YEAH!!" & amen...    

you're a rockstar...love the pic!
Thanx for being raw and real - its a good reminder that we are all human Christians.    

The sentiment behind this post is why I got this... http://flickr.com/photos/bigemack/2169749541/

It's meant to be a reminder that even though we can fall apart (like broken rock), Christ still is "The rock on which we stand" and He never wavers.    

Wow Paul,
For being derpessed and no motivation. You have posted more on your blog in a couple of weeks than you did last year. I like it. Don't get me wrong, just surprised.    

@nate: The creative stuff keeps me sane, thus the wealth of writing / photography! :-)

RE: lack of motivation - it is so hard to explain how I'm feeling. It's like I have dreams and desires that have been placed out of reach. And if I make an attempt to rekindle them (or try to reactivate them) I feel like they are unreachable. And then I get very sad and wonder why. That sort of thing (challenges, etc.) has never hindered me before, but my lack of motivation seems to play a part in the way I'm feeling.

Inspiration / Vision comes and I just stare at it. So I force myself to write or get out and shoot pics in order to stir up my creative juices. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. But the one thing it DOES is keep me (and my mind) busy.

I'm also a worship leader (which you may or may not have known). My pastor thinks that it is fascinating that I can be depressed (and he can see it affecting many areas of my life) yet when I step behind the keyboard and begin to lead worship it's like my depression is gone. Leading worship during this challenging time has been life to me! I don't totally understand it either. But I told my pastor that something changes when I begin to worship God.

And I'm sure that's why worship (in various forms) is encouraged so much in the Bible. Putting on the garment of praise to release the spirit of despair, for example. That scripture becomes reality in my life every time I worship!    

Makes one wonder why one doesn't worship and give thanks ALL the time.

Think about it ... we would ALL stop complaining and love each other.

I've always wondered why we get into worship so much more when we are among a group of people and go home and don't do the same.

The relationship with Him in secret is so much more important than our outward claim to know Him.

Hmmm I think I've hit on something .. going to go implement it now ... see what miracles are in store.    

I've been thinking more about this.

There is no quick and easy solution to depression ... it is like the common cold and needs to run its course.

That course is different for each individual.

"It's over when it's over."
Sandra Shamus,
Home grown comedian from Sudbury.

Saw her do a one woman comedy act on life's trials that she had drawn from her own life. I believe it was part of a series of shows she called "Wit's End"

Immensely enjoyable.

I'm just going to get a cup of tea and sit down and dig deep to remember ...

Have you tried Typhoo tea? Would you like a cup? I've brought a big pot of it. Cups and sugar and milk are over there on a nice wooden tray.

There are 'actions' that 'alleviate' depression unless you have the clinical mental illness ... then you would be a total LOON and need psychiatric care. THAT is a totally different world.
My close friend whom I have known since we were 12 has taught me about manic depression ... in a very real way.

When I went through a horrific season of depression ... and I was very familiar with it already ... just not to this devastating and tree felling degree... this is the thing I found that kept my nose above the water's surface.

Service to others ... number one. As I think now there may be no number two.

Isn't it cool that this is the very thing that the Lord asks of us ... although at the time I was depressed I was so mad at Him that I didn't care to make the connection.

Love the Lord with all your heart mind body and strength and love your neighbour as yourself.

BTW being angry with what the Lord has or hasn't brought your way or for what He is or isn't doing goes with this territory. You have said it yourself ... unexpressed anger.

Some of us don't like to admit that ... and when you don't admit that, you lash out at others around you instead. And that will be the test of the friendships you have, where you have taken that liberty.

The coolest thing about being angry with God is ... that He really doesn't mind. He expects it ... He knows what He is putting you through and He knows how you will respond. The Holy Spirit is always close by and it is amazing how well you hear Him during these times... anger and all. He still comforts you when you come to Him even though He knows your heart is hurt by His seeming lack of protection, lack of blessing, lack of financial stability, lack of support, and supports ripped away from you. Church people who judge you and look down their noses at you because your life isn't neat and tidy or just simply are too busy for you or just ignore you because they have no idea how to help you. I know that is not the way all churches run ... it was, unfortunately, the way the one I was involved with ran.

On a side note there were two very important people who came along side me with huge hearts of love and compassion at that time. One was my friend with manic depression ... the other was my 12 year old son who was to plummet deeply into his own world of mental illness shortly after I got better.

There were others ... people who came along side me and actually helped in real ways were sent by God to me. They were perfect strangers on the most part and not part of any church at all. It was then that I knew that He was bringing me to a new understanding that He was able to move an atheist or an agnostic to reach out and help and deliver His tangible heart of love. I hope they realize the love of God today and have been rewarded for their kindnesses to me. The Lord, as He said, will cause the rocks to have a voice to praise Him if we will not.

I'm off topic here a bit ... but maybe not :-)

Service to others ... it is a healer. Dealing with others in need brings you out of yourself and your problems and helps you see the reality of this old world more clearly.

Now that I have dug deep into those days and look back with a new perspective.

I DO see a number two.

Submission to the Lord for whatever is happening to you.

But I think I have them reversed.

Submission to God ... number one.

Service to others ... number two.

:-) He really is an awesome God

If your heart is really into serving the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings He will tear anything away from you that is standing in the way... that hurts sometimes.

He doesn't let go until He has brought you to a place of complete obedience. He will bring you face to face as He did Job.

Then Job replied to the LORD :

"I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted.
You asked,
'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'

Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.'

My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you.
Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."

Hebrews 12
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: ...

How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!
....

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Thank you for this opportunity to share ... it has been helpful to me as well    

Here is something I've come across in my own personal search for a remedy... hope it helps in some way.

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine (Prov 17:22 KJV)

Laughter is a remedy for sick and sad hearts:

King Solomon left among his wise sayings a prescription for sick and sad hearts, and it is one that we can safely take. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. Joy is the great restorer and healer. Gladness of spirit will bring health to the bones and vitality to the nerves when all other tonics fail and all other sedatives cease to quiet. Are you ill? Begin to rejoice in the Lord, and your bones will flourish like an herb, and your cheeks will glow with the bloom of health and freshness. Worry, fear, distrust, care - all are poisonous! Joy is balm and healing, and if you will but rejoice, God will give power. He has commanded you to be glad and rejoice, and He never fails to sustain His children in keeping His commandments. Rejoice in the Lord always, He says. This means no matter how sad, how tempted, how sick, how suffering you are, rejoice in the Lord just where you are - and begin this moment. The joy of the Lord is the strength of our body, The gladness of Jesus, the balm for our pain, His life and His fullness, our fountain of healing, His joy, our elixir for body and brain. (Sermon by A.B. Simpson)

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. Job 8:21 (NIV)

Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." Psalm 126:2 (NIV)