Post Traumatic Church Disorder - Part Four
During my research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (specifically related to war veterans), I discovered that treatment usually consists of two things: medication and therapy (counselling). Although Post Traumatic Church Disorder (PTCD) is the result of a very different kind of trauma than PTSD, the symptoms and reactions are very similar. On the other hand, I do not think the treatment for Post Traumatic Church Disorder can be the same.
Please hear me. People will require medication and therapy of all sorts, for all sorts of health related issues. I am NOT questioning treatment methods that include drugs or counselling. In fact, during the initial stages of my personal experience with "church trauma" I participated in multiple counselling sessions that were effective, encouraging and helped me heal. You may need to talk with a professional counsellor or therapist about your PTCD experiences. I would highly recommend it. For me, it was life-giving.
I also know a few people that are being helped significantly (for depression specifically) through the use of daily medication, prescribed by their doctor. Although I do not like to take medications personally (because I prefer alternative medicine using natural supplements, etc.) I know that people can have positive experiences taking medications that improve chemical imbalances, etc.
So, for this final post on what I have labelled Post Traumatic Church Disorder, it is important that we dialogue about healing. In many ways I have not fully recovered from the "church trauma" I experienced at the hands of my former denomination, but I HAVE taken SIGNIFICANT steps toward healing and restoration.
And because there are so many variables when it comes to how "you" (or someone you know) has been hurt by the church, there are equally various solutions for helping someone heal. So even though I will share some very important steps I've taken towards healing, you may have taken other steps that I want you to share in the comments of this blog.
PRAYER. Sounds so simple, doesn't it. But asking someone to PRAY FOR YOU is so important. I have been amazed at how much relief I've experienced through a simple prayer prayed by a trusted friend. (And I'll talk about the importance of TRUST in a moment.)
CONFESSION. "Okay Paul, now you're boring me!" Yeah, I know. Again... simple. And confession goes hand-in-hand with prayer.
[ If you have never heard of these things I would encourage you to do some research of your own. You can start by visiting Cleansing Stream, which is the minister that helped me considerably. ]
FORGIVENESS. You must deal with unforgiveness, offense and bitterness toward the people that hurt you. I remember VIVIDLY the morning that I released forgiveness (in prayer) toward the church leaders that hurt me. What a weight off my shoulders! What a relief! Releasing forgiveness is just as much for YOU as it is for the person who hurt you. Often God will ask you to reconcile with the person, or forgive them in person, but more often God simply wants you to deal with the unforgiveness, offense and bitterness that is being stored in your heart.
You do not OWE anything to anyone. No explanations, nothing.
Stop trusting in man!
Regardless, God uses people to help us heal. And we need people that can support us, pray for us and be a sounding board for us. So ask God to bring one or two trustworthy people to you. And when you "trust" them with your vulnerable life and pain, know that they MAY fail you. Know that they MAY betray you. But in the end of it all, GOD WILL BE THE STRENGTH OF YOUR LIFE! [ Psalm 28:8 ]
Please hear me. People will require medication and therapy of all sorts, for all sorts of health related issues. I am NOT questioning treatment methods that include drugs or counselling. In fact, during the initial stages of my personal experience with "church trauma" I participated in multiple counselling sessions that were effective, encouraging and helped me heal. You may need to talk with a professional counsellor or therapist about your PTCD experiences. I would highly recommend it. For me, it was life-giving.
I also know a few people that are being helped significantly (for depression specifically) through the use of daily medication, prescribed by their doctor. Although I do not like to take medications personally (because I prefer alternative medicine using natural supplements, etc.) I know that people can have positive experiences taking medications that improve chemical imbalances, etc.
So, for this final post on what I have labelled Post Traumatic Church Disorder, it is important that we dialogue about healing. In many ways I have not fully recovered from the "church trauma" I experienced at the hands of my former denomination, but I HAVE taken SIGNIFICANT steps toward healing and restoration.
And because there are so many variables when it comes to how "you" (or someone you know) has been hurt by the church, there are equally various solutions for helping someone heal. So even though I will share some very important steps I've taken towards healing, you may have taken other steps that I want you to share in the comments of this blog.
PRAYER. Sounds so simple, doesn't it. But asking someone to PRAY FOR YOU is so important. I have been amazed at how much relief I've experienced through a simple prayer prayed by a trusted friend. (And I'll talk about the importance of TRUST in a moment.)
CONFESSION. "Okay Paul, now you're boring me!" Yeah, I know. Again... simple. And confession goes hand-in-hand with prayer.
Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. [ James 5:16 ]If you read the context of that verse you will notice that it related to sick, or WEAK people! The AMPLIFIED VERSION says it this way...
Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart].During my journey God "tricked" me into a confession session. Have you ever had God do that? I didn't want to "go" there. I just wanted to complain about how bad I had been hurt. But instead, God wanted to CLEAN ME UP FIRST so that I could be ready to not only be HEALED and RESTORED, but then to give it away to others. And he brought me to a person that embraced me COMPLETELY and UNCONDITIONALLY that I was able to "spill my guts" with. It was a very significant part of the healing process for me and included breaking soul ties, renouncing generational curses, etc.
[ If you have never heard of these things I would encourage you to do some research of your own. You can start by visiting Cleansing Stream, which is the minister that helped me considerably. ]
FORGIVENESS. You must deal with unforgiveness, offense and bitterness toward the people that hurt you. I remember VIVIDLY the morning that I released forgiveness (in prayer) toward the church leaders that hurt me. What a weight off my shoulders! What a relief! Releasing forgiveness is just as much for YOU as it is for the person who hurt you. Often God will ask you to reconcile with the person, or forgive them in person, but more often God simply wants you to deal with the unforgiveness, offense and bitterness that is being stored in your heart.
SIDE NOTE: you DO NOT have to continue in relationship with people that have hurt you. You can effectively release forgiveness to them while deciding NOT to associate with them ever again. Disconnecting yourself from the church that hurt you is usually part of the healing process, EVEN IF you have forgiven them. There is NO PRESSURE to go back into fellowship with the church or leaders that hurt you.Wow, there is so much to say, but let me conclude by talking a bit about TRUST.
You do not OWE anything to anyone. No explanations, nothing.
Stop trusting in man!
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.[ Psalms 118:8 ]NOWHERE in the Bible will you find God telling you to trust in people. That's because people MAY fail you. People MAY betray your confidence. Even good, well-intentioned, "Godly" people. (Been there. Happened to me.)
Regardless, God uses people to help us heal. And we need people that can support us, pray for us and be a sounding board for us. So ask God to bring one or two trustworthy people to you. And when you "trust" them with your vulnerable life and pain, know that they MAY fail you. Know that they MAY betray you. But in the end of it all, GOD WILL BE THE STRENGTH OF YOUR LIFE! [ Psalm 28:8 ]
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [ Jeremiah 29:11 ]
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, September 05, 2007 at 10:20 PM.
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1:12 AMAgain Paul thank you for being so open and blogging about something that has hurt you in order to help others. I have taken a lot of what you have said and it is good stuff to think about and evaluate my self with. Thing that I would not have thought about or even realized. So thank you I appreciate it
10:28 AM
Wow. Reading your words is like hitting the back button on my own remote control! The things that you've listed here have helped me to heal as well.
I have a group of friends--none of whom are close friends with one another--who support me in prayer when I ask (and even when I don't.) Because they are sincerely praying for my healing, they are "safe places" in which to talk honestly.
I, too, experienced a "trick" confessional with God a few years back. It was something that is very difficult to put into words--I would say horrible, awesome, and freeing all at the same time. The experience shattered who I was and was the beginning of a wonderful transformation. (I guess I'm not the only one who had to be "taken to the woodshed" of complete love.) :^)
Forgiveness was a tough one for me. It wasn't enough for me just to WANT to forgive or to TRY to forgive or to PRAY about forgiving.(Though I know many people for whom these things are enough.) I had to actually engage in tangible ways to begin the process of forgiveness.
Because of past circumstances and minor attempts at honest dialogue, I knew that reconciliation with manipulative church leaders would likely be a futile effort. I found a different process of forgiveness.
I wrote a letter to them (which I never sent). Then a friend (who was dealing with the same abuse with the same system) and I planned a night of cleansing.
We went out to dinner and, during a delicious meal, retold our stories trying to leave nothing out. We marveled out loud at how God was using our anguish and our questioning to transform and transport us to new places of opportunity.
Then we drove to the parking lot of the church where we had been "used" and sat outside in the hot summer air crying together over the ache of it all, wondering how many others had been wounded, and letting the feelings just wash over us. Disappointment, sadness, despair, doubt, jealousy, anger, and vengefulness all reared their
ugly heads.
Finally, we prayed together that God would use our pain and our newfound understandings to enlarge our integrity and love for others.
We asked God to pour out a fresh anointing upon that church. We thanked God for His presence with us even in our pain and asked Him to continue to lead our paths.
It was, as you said, a VIVID memory which I can point back to when my unforgiveness tries to grab back the reins of control.
For me the whole trust issue is the hardest nut to crack. Knowing that I am sometimes quick to act like I trust someone but harbor distrust in my heart, I made a difficult decision not to go to any church for several months. I didn't want to get sucked back into a system before I was ready for my appearance of trust to be real and not an act.
Just recently I started attending a small Bible study...it's great, but I am not allowing it to become a substitute for the ONLY ONE we really can trust. And even after only a few weeks--I have struggled with trust/mistrust in little ways.
Thank you SO MUCH for writing about these things. Hearing a similar story in someone else's words helps me in many ways. I appreciate your honesty, your clarity, and your obvious desire to put 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 into practice:
"All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too." (The Message)
11:24 PM
Paul, thanks alot for putting all of this together. Would you mind if I directed other people to this site to see what you have written?
7:04 PM
@beth: thanks for the encouragement!
@ttm: thanks for sharing your story - I know it will help others!
@nate: feel free to spread these posts around!
12:03 PM
Agreed ... stop trusting in man... sincerely love God and your neighbour as yourself .. this means you must embrace yourself and everything about you, good bad and indifferent and wholly and completely accept and love yourself just the way you are... looks, behaviour everything. This is the way God loves you, as you are. Noone else can fit into the place of service He has designed you to fit into. He wants you to serve and love others exactly the way you are ... we are all so unique and special.
God so loved the "world" and he told us that the world will know that we are His disciples if we love one another ... not slap each other up the side of the head and point our finger and talk about each other behind their backs, but genuinely love one another ...
The Excellence of Love
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails;
But if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.
9:19 PM
Hey paul, I think it's great to read these posts and get to know more of your story. You are a very encouraging person, and it is fantastic that you have made yourself vulnerable for the benefit of other people. You should seriously consider writing a book about this. I don't know much about this issue, but maybe there isn't a lot published on this topic.
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