Post Traumatic Church Disorder - Part Three
[ The following is information I have gathered from the Internet regarding people who experience some sort of “trauma” resulting in a “stress” (or church) disorder. Hopefully the following resource will shed additional light on Post Traumatic Church Disorder. ]It is so hard for the modern western leader to admit he / she may have such a deep wound. Another name for this wound is "shell-shock." During WWI, General Haigh had over 300 British and Commonwealth soldiers shot for cowardice - and it is now believed many were simply suffering from shell shock. During WWII many British fliers were labeled LMF. They "Lacked Moral Fiber" and were dishonored in that manor.
You see, especially in North America – with strong icons like John Wayne and Babe Ruth - suffering from crippling emotional wounding is simply not acceptable. Unfortunately much of the church feels the same way.
Thankfully, the Father of us all, the great El-Shaddai (God Almighty), has a totally different viewpoint.
Many in our modern western society just can't bear to believe you can be wounded emotionally or spiritually. It's simply un-American.
When we think of a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder we often think of war and terrorism. But in recent years it has been concluded that prolonged stress of certain kinds (bullying) can have a cumulative effect and impact you as much as one life and death threat in wartime. In other words, it is possible for a church goer to suffer Post Traumatic Church Disorder or PTCD.
Bullying can be thrust upon you by the denominational leadership, church board, leading members involved in power struggles, your mate, fellow pastors, or you, yourself, can bring this pressure on others if you are in authority in some manner.
Legalistic churches and cults are famous for bullying followers as amethod of control. When this happens, an entire culture that is unhealthy develops, sometimes on a worldwide basis if the denomination is large enough. Both leaders and lay-members become wounded in such churches.
For so many of us who have been abused in this manner (bullying), rejection is how our heart reads it. The great irony is, Christianity is the one true religion that should underscore unconditional love from a caring deity. Yet, the church, itself, can be one of the most destructive organizations to the human spirit.
With a war victim suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the shock of what one human being can do to another plays a major factor. There is a total disillusionment with life, people and purpose. With the church leader suffering from PTCD, there is the nearly unbelievable shock of being treated in a certain manner by people claiming to be children of God. In both cases, the sensory bombardment is a reality that seems too harsh to accept. For the war victim, it is man's willingness to destroy life in a very cheap manner. For the church leader, it is the reality of the church's or denomination's carnality and willingness to play politics.
The bottom line in both cases is - real life is too shocking.
“I never dreamed it would or could be this way. I just want to go numb and block it out.”In Part One I listed some of the symptoms of PTCD. Here I will list some reactions and symptoms often associated with being bullied, specifically.
Fatigue with symptoms of or similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
An anger of injustice stimulated to an excessive degree (sometimes but improperly attracting the words "manic" instead of motivated, "obsessive" instead of focused, and "angry" instead of "passionate", especially from those with something to fear)
An overwhelming desire for acknowledgment, understanding, recognition and validation of their experience
A simultaneous and paradoxical unwillingness to talk about the bullying
A lack of desire for revenge, but a strong motivation for justice
A tendency to oscillate between conciliation (forgiveness) and anger (revenge) with objectivity being the main casualty
Extreme fragility, where formerly the person was of a strong, stable character
Numbness, both physical (toes, fingertips, and lips) and emotional (inability to feel love and joy)
Clumsiness
Forgetfulness
Hyper awareness and an acute sense of time passing, seasons changing, and distances traveled
An enhanced environmental awareness, often on a planetary scale
A constant feeling that one has to justify everything one says and does
Some of the above may apply to you or someone you know. What should our response be? How, as believers, should we handle this psychological, emotional and spiritual wound? It is deep, and life changing. You will never be the same again, but what should we do? What is the answer? How do we heal? How do we go on?
[ The following commentary and encouragement was also gathered online. I am including it as I personally prepare to write about healing in Part Four - the final part of this series. ]How did God work with His people in times of great stress? Elijah talked suicidal. For forty days he walked around the desert in a very bad attitude. During the whole 40 day period God never utter one word of condemnation to Elijah. In due time, God showed Elijah that a demonstration of power like the one given at the mountain to Moses and the children, or the one at Mt. Carmel, wound never change a heart in Israel. It would be the flow of His grace in the form of a still small voice to the very heart of Elijah that would heal Elijah and send him on his way.
Power reveals who the true God is, but it does not reveal much about God himself. Knowing God deeply and personally is everything, including the road back to sanity from spiritual wounding. The Father gives us no formulas to follow to be healed. He gives us Himself. It is His grace, His blood covenant love, flowing into us that will heal us and get us back to sanity and sound mind and heart. It was God's grace, not great wind and lightening shows that healed Elijah.
The two disciples on the road to Emmaus were fried to a crisp. They were burnt-out completely and deeply disillusioned. There was no more purpose to life from their viewpoint. As they walked, Jesus came along side, and in an act of grace befriended them and opened they minds and hearts to a new perspective. They came to "know" Jesus like never before. Coming to really "know" Jesus is an enormus act of healing for many problems. Like these two disciples on the road of life, we have met many who live in their own world of belief. They have a distorted gospel and strong opinions about issues that don't require strong opinions. "Religion" has taken over much of Christianity in the western world today. It is not surprising we have an epidemic of disillusionment in the American church today.
According to the Christian World Encyclopedia as many as 16 million people world wide walk out of the church each year! The church loves talking about the 19 million new converts it obtains each year, but I hear little concern regarding the millions that walk out shaking their heads in fatigue and dismay.
Let me say to those of you in deep pain right now. First, above all else, and in spite of all evidence, Father God has NOT forsaken you. He is with you, and He will bring you through this. Second, you will be healed by His grace, and end up knowing Him better than ever. That's a fact, whether you can believe it now or not, it will happen.
This entry was posted
on Friday, August 10, 2007 at 12:17 AM.
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11:42 AMPaul,
Thank you for this. On my blog I speak often about the treatment that makes people leave. Not in a judging way, but in a cause and effect way. I am a very strong personality, and have no problem telling 1 to 35,000 people they are full of crap and don't get it. (we have a Baptist church here in Atlanta that has 35,000 people in it. No intimacy there.) But most people are not like me. I could not even begin to understand the deep hurt that comes from having to leave my home, church home. Where my world once was, and my family that I loved. This is helping me to understand, and to help me deal with those people that I can not relate to. To let me know what I can do for these people that I have such a burden for. So thank you for the obvious time and energy that you have put into this. I really appreciate it.
12:30 PM
Paul,
I found your site via a comment by Nate Peres at www.nakedpastor.com
Thank you so much for being courageous enough to talk about this. I like your term PTCD. The disorder is running rampant here in the United States! It needs to be acknowledged and discussed more openly.
I was part of a church for almost eleven years--and the deeper I got into ministry there, the less "whole" I felt. What I experienced was literally making me CRAZY and resulted ultimately in me leaving that particular church. (It also resulted in my teenager renouncing Christianity, but that is a different story and his to tell.)
I've attended church only once in the past six months and finally last week took the giant step of checking out a small group Bible study hosted by a church. (My friend co-teaches the class. It was only with her full understanding of my propensity to be really sensitive right now and her repeated assurances that she wouldn't let anyone shoot me in the back for leaving the church campus between the Sunday School and church hour, that I decided to become vulnerable again.)
The healing process for me has looked something like this:
1. rant and rave and vacillate between niceness and temper tantrums (exactly as you said in your post)
2. talk A LOT to other believers from all persuasions (some are still members at that church, some are members at other churches, some are not churchmembers at all, some I know only through the internet and don't even know their "church status) And a shout out to all of my longsuffering friends--none of whom will see this because they are far too busy to read and respond to blogs.
3. renew my relationship with God through meditation, reflective reading of Scripture, journaling, and prayer
4. attempt to dialogue with some former pastors via anonymous blog comments (This has not been at all "successful." Any dissent, especially anonymous, is met with instant rebuke and closing of the conversation. But regardless of "sucess", it has been part of my healing process.)
5. renew my relationship with God daily and remind myself that THIS is what matters most
6. email exchanges with a staff member at my former church who IS open to discussion and who is encouraging me to maintain a relationship with God regardless of my church situation. He is also challenging me to confront those spiritual leaders who have offended me. Not yet. Maybe. But not yet.
7. read the excellent book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen. Wow!! I'm working my way through it for the third time. I recommend it for anyone whether they have been spiritually abused or not. It will get you thinking about things like church, accountability, spiritual authority, discernment, etc.
8. renew my relationship with God. I would say to anyone going through this right now (like me), please, please remember that God not only LOVES us--He LIKES us and wants our best.
Again, thanks for the space to "talk", Paul. I'll be following your future posts with interest.
ttm
2:53 PM
@nate: You're welcome - please continue to dialogue along with me.
@ttm: Thank you. I am certain that your insight regarding the path you are on towards recovery and the experiences you have shared will be helpful to someone reading these posts.
@others: I think it is important for everyone who has experienced some level of PTCD or who knows someone who has been hurt by "church trauma" to remember that recovery is a journey - and that encouragement and support from others is VITAL to healing. So, I welcome the comments of others on this topic.
10:53 PM
Paul,
I found your blog via a comment link at Deconstructed Christian.
This discussion intrigues me greatly. I've been pastoring for 10 years and recently resigned my first church after 9.5 years. Overall it was a great experience that I will treasure deeply. However, some of the deepest hurts I've ever had to trust God to heal happened in the latter part of those years. At times, I literally didn't think I could take another breath, it hurt so bad. This is a needed discussion today and thank you so much for stirring the pot!
God Bless you!
11:16 PM
@shannon: thanks for sharing your story with us and for joining in the dialogue. I pray that God will continue to reveal Himself to you as the loving Father that He is.
9:07 PM
Part Four?
Anytime soon?
No pressure--
just anticipating! :^)
1:05 PM
I'm thinking that the hurts found in church groups really aren't any different than the hurts people around the world suffer with each other every day ... such as incest and family/friend betrayals and divorces ...
This is a commentary on the fact that those in churches are looking in the wrong place for their validation in life. I guess the Lord brings us all to that place where we seek our validation only from God and then we are truly free to forgive others and go on to "live".
"Father forgive them for they know not what they do."
There is not an organization on the face of this earth where you will not find hurt and betrayal ... and it hurts just as much coming from other sources that you have thrown your heart in to.
I truly am not minimizing this but this kind of trauma is not isolated to church. It's sad that it happens but people are people no matter where you are .. it's just the way it is.
Maybe the physical church needs a union. LOL
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